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30 Reasons that People Marry: Which Ones Seem Good to You?

I started to read Elizabeth Gilbert’s new book, ‘Committed’ and the first part explores some of the historical reasons and ways that people marry. It was fascinating to me because she revealed the changes that occurred for women who married, according to different religions and cultures over time.

Anyway, this started me thinking about the reasons people marry now, in our culture. I think we automatically assume that people marry for love only but sometimes it is for other reasons too, or a combination of different needs and desires. So I’ve created a list of 30 reasons that people marry (some better than others for sure). They are in no particular order:

1-THEY LOVE THEIR PARTNER & WANT TO SPEND THEIR LIVES TOGETHER:

2-SAFETY/PROTECTION:

3-FINANCIAL REASONS:

4-TO HAVE CHILDREN:

5-STATUS:

6- TO CONTRIBUTE TO SOCIETY BY PLAYING THAT ROLE:

7-HEALTH INSURANCE:

8-‘IT WAS TIME’ OR IT WAS THE NEXT STEP IN THAT RELATIONSHIP:

9-LEGAL RECOGNITION:

10-DO NOT WANT TO BE ALONE:

11-FAMILIAL PRESSURE:

12- SOCIAL PRESSURE:

13-TO FIT IN:

14-TO FEEL GROWN UP/SEPARATE FROM THEIR FAMILIES OF ORIGIN:

15-TO HAVE SOMEONE FOR WHOM THEY ARE TOP PRIORITY:

16-TO MAKE EACH OTHER HAPPY:

17-TO HELP EACH OTHER REACH MUTUAL DREAMS & GOALS:

18- SEX:

19-RELIGIOUS REASONS:

20-IMMIGRATION CONCERNS:

21-THE 1000 RIGHTS YOU GET WHEN MARRIED:

22-GIFTS & ATTENTION:

23-TO HAVE A NURSEMAID WHEN YOU’RE SICK:

24-TO BE A BRIDE & HAVE A WEDDING:

25-WITH THE HOPE OF LIVING ‘HAPPILY EVER AFTER’:

26-AS A MEANS OF SELF-GROWTH AND SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT:

27-AS A COMMITMENT OF LOYALTY AND LONGEVITY:

28-AS AN OUTWARD SIGN THAT YOU ARE A SERIOUS COUPLE:

29-FOR TAX REASONS:

30-TO FOLLOW TRADITIONS:

I bet there are other reasons people marry as well but these are one I have heard or found in related articles (see some links below). This list is just intended as a spring board to make you think. Although I am sure that many of you have married (or would only marry) for love, do any of these others reasons play a part in your choice to marry, instead of to cohabitate? This is a good way to check your intentions and weigh your values where marriage is concerned.

At one point in her novel, ‘Committed’ the author considers her own reasons to marry. She says that she doesn’t need a man’s money, status, protection, nor did she want children. So, the only reason she would marry him was for companionship and love. She also takes a few of the above reasons that people marry and explores them in further depth than I did.

When giving it a cursory look, I did not find a lot of good surveys to reveal the realities of why people marry-ie how many marry for love versus money percentage-wise. This would be a good survey or poll for someone to conduct. If any of my readers wish to post some relevant research links here, please do. I did read that 7% of people marry for health insurance and two-thirds would marry for money (specifically 1.5 million dollars). Sometimes marriage is a combination of reasons therein.

Author Elizabeth Gilbert makes the point that marriages based upon love can be more fragile and are statistically more likely to end in divorce. She surmises that the initial feelings of love can shift in time, leaving us vulnerable for divorce and heart break if that is the only foundation upon which a marriage is based. But at this early point in the book, it still seems like she is going to go through with it.

I am posting the link to her book below if you’d like to read it. Mars women don;t need to marry for money.  Love is probably high on the list but perhaps they want a more domestic partner who will help with cooking, household things and the kids?  What vision of marriage do you have?

My Best in Love,

Paulette

 

The link to Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, ‘Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage’ is here: http://www.amazon.com/Committed-Skeptic-Makes-Peace-Marriage/dp/0670021652/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1264186990&sr=8-1

Other Relevant Links:
http://ask.metafilter.com/39884/Why-do-people-get-married
http://www.unmarried.org/common-law-marriage-fact-sheet.html
http://www.aolhealth.com/healthy-living/relationships/marry-for-money
http://www.cbc.ca/news/background/marriage/cbc-inquiry.html
http://www.yourtango.com/20072778/survey-most-people-would-marry-for-money.html
http://forums.onewed.com/showthread.php?t=15066
http://collegecandy.com/2009/07/06/why-you-should-get-married-right-now/
http://www.yourtango.com/200914936/why-do-men-get-married


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* You may use excerpts from this with the bio below.

Author Bio:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a psychologist and author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out’ and ‘When Mars Women Date.’ She’s been an expert on the CBS Early Show, the Curtis Sliwa show, MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman, Elle Canada, the Huffington Post and the NY Times. Learn more at: www.whenmarswomendate.com!

My Dating Books on Amazon:

Dating From the Inside Out

When Mars Women Date:

A Shared Vision:: 100 Exercises for Couples to Co-Create The Lives of Their Dreams

100 Ways to Treat Your Mate Like Royalty: Under $10

Dr. Sherman offers Mars women one-on-one coaching by phone or face to face in her Manhattan office. If you’re interested in coaching with her, please fill out the Private Counseling form here

She will also be facilitating groups and tele-classes for Mars women as well. If you’re interested in participating, please fill out the contact form here