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Breakup Protocol:

The other day we saw a movie on Netflix called ‘The Break up Artist.’ It wasn’t the best movie but the main character in it made her living breaking up with people. When a date could not face their partner directly, they would pay her to do it for him or her. So out of curiosity, for today’s blog I googled ‘breakup services’ and found a lot of crazy things that people are paying for in order to avoid breaking up face to face. It reminded me of how in a ‘Sex in the City’ episode a guy broke up with Carrie by post it note and she flipped out. That is a step more direct than some of these approaches. Here are a few for you:

PEOPLE WHO BREAK UP FOR YOU:

1- Au Revoir The Official Breakup Service at http://aurevoirthebreakupservice.com/

2- Dump Monkey at http://dumpmonkey.com/services.htm

3- Let’s Breakup at http://letsbreakup.net/service.htm

PRODUCTS THAT SEND THE MESSAGE FOR YOU:

4- A break up handkerchief at http://thirddrawerdown.com/shop/product/RATBREAK/

5- Break up cards: http://www.zazzle.com/break_up_in_card-137579854192650151  or http://www.zazzle.com/the_end_card-137606028892785552

THERE ARE EVEN BREAKUP PARTING GIFTS:
http://www.girlfriendgrams.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=GRAM104

Are there other A TINY BIT LESS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE WAYS TO BREAKUP?

-1 out of 7 people breakup by text

-4 out of 100 just cut off communication entirely

-1 out of 100 break up via a social networking site
Have you done any of these things? How would you want to be broken up with?

Some of you might say that it depends on the amount of time that you’ve spent together and the situation. While this is true, it is also a matter of politeness and closure. I know that it is hard to face someone and hurt them but sometimes honesty is the best policy. I have heard from endless singles how bewildering it is for everything to be going seemingly swimmingly for a month and then to just have the guy disappear completely. Okay, so this could happen with a woman too. Why not break up yourself and face the music?

DIRECT BREAK UPS

So this year you might resolve to have ‘break up dignity’ and to be a class act when it comes to completing your relationships, however long they are. This could be a step in your own growth and maturity and it might leave your fellow daters feeling better about dating. After all, 99% of relationships end up in a break up of some kind, since you only marry the one person. So, we all need to accept that break ups will happen. The only question now is, how?

Here are my 5 breakup tips:

1. Lead with kindness: try to honestly say something positive about the other person and the time that you spent together. For example, ‘You really are a wonderful person. You make me laugh and I like talking to you a lot.’ Things are not black and white and there are good things about everyone, so soften the blow and point some out.

2. Get to the point quickly: You want to get the bad news over with and so do they. So say something like, ‘I just don’t feel this is the right long-term fit’ or ‘I don’t think we are going to work out and I am sorry to have to tell you this.’

3. Remain in place for any questions: I know this part is hard. Most of the time people will just be sad and say okay to your generalized reason for breaking up. They probably won’t even feel equipped to hear more and may not want details. But once in a while they will want to know more about why. Your job is to be honest without necessarily going into all the details. For example, you might say, ‘I think the vibe was more friends’ instead of ‘I did not like the way that you kiss.’ Try to be kind but give some opportunity for the other person to understand your side and to have closure.

4. Thank the other person for the time that you spent together and wish them well. Even though it did not work out long-term does not mean that you can’t maintain good will and mutual respect for one another, that is, if both people are mature about it.

5. If this has been a long relationship, make a time to pick up any stuff you may need back and let the other person know that they can contact you if they have further questions or things they need to tell you.
I know this takes courage but if you want to be treated well, it’s good karma to leave others well. You cannot control their reaction, but you can just do your best to leave them with dignity (pun intended).
Having said this, some dates will just be mad that you’ve rejected them or that you did not tell them what they wanted to hear. Do not feel guilty about being true to yourself and your needs. You have every right to move on if it is not right to you. This is a normal part of the dating process. As long as you do this honestly, respectfully and with a chance for you to both have closure, you have nothing to feel guilty about.
My Best in Love,
Paulette


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* You may use excerpts from this with the bio below.

Author Bio:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a psychologist and author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out’ and ‘When Mars Women Date.’ She’s been an expert on the CBS Early Show, the Curtis Sliwa show, MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman, Elle Canada, the Huffington Post and the NY Times. Learn more at: www.whenmarswomendate.com!

My Dating Books on Amazon:

Dating From the Inside Out

When Mars Women Date:

A Shared Vision:: 100 Exercises for Couples to Co-Create The Lives of Their Dreams

100 Ways to Treat Your Mate Like Royalty: Under $10

Dr. Sherman offers Mars women one-on-one coaching by phone or face to face in her Manhattan office. If you’re interested in coaching with her, please fill out the Private Counseling form here

She will also be facilitating groups and tele-classes for Mars women as well. If you’re interested in participating, please fill out the contact form here