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5 Reasons to Lean In to Your Romantic Relationships:

Yesterday I watched Sheryl Sandberg being interviewed on Oprah’s OWN.  I was excited to see that she is leading career women to follow their dreams and she’s causing quite a stir in the Feminist movement, and hopefully in industry as well.

I read her book ‘Lean In‘ while I was on vacation and found that her chapter, ‘Make Your Partner a Relationship Partner’ was very aligned with what I have long been telling my single career clients as a psychologist who specializes in dating.  She hit upon many of the key points that I made in my new book, ‘When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves Into the Relationship of their Dreams.’  So below I will review five ways that Sheryl and my relationship philosophies and dating advice jive:

1- The Most Important Decision a Career Woman Can Make is Who Her Partner Is:
The decision of a life mate affects your lifestyle, choices, career, children, schedule, household duties, resources, emotional support and so much more.  Women need to use their hearts and their heads when choosing a lifetime mate.

2- A Lack of Spousal Support Can Have An Opposite Affect Upon a Woman’s Career:
A lack of spousal support can adversely affect a woman’s career and research shows that many women have left their careers because their husbands wanted them to do more on the home front.  I do not think women should have to choose between career and a family and my book explores why.

3- Both Partners Careers Are Equally Important:
Sandberg describes how when she and her husband dated and married they lived apart for their respective jobs.  She did not follow him (as was often the ‘woman’s expected role) and in the end it was he who got a new job and moved to be with her.  This is a good example of the new dating and relationship expectations.  (Also see the article I wrote on men accepting women’s travel for work more too at: http://projecteve.com/profiles/blogs/is-a-woman-traveling-for-work-acceptable-in-romantic ).

4- Establish a Fair Division of Labor in the Beginning of Your Relationship:
Sandberg suggests starting out on the right foot while dating and I couldn’t agree more.  I explore this in depth in my book, including conversations that women can have with the men that they date so that they are on the same page about creating an equal partnership.

5-True Partnership is a Good Model for Future Generations:
In my book I explore research that shows how having a working mom and a very involved father benefits children and their future relationship behavior.  So, the choices we make for ourselves as future moms have a huge impact on future generations and our societal evolution.

6- The Best Thing a Man Can Do For a Woman’s Career is the Laundry:
Sandberg quotes a professor in her book who said that the best thing a man can do for a woman’s career is the laundry.  I laughed because just before I read that section, my husband sat down on the couch in his undershirt and asked me to feel his shirt.  He said that he tried the new Tide with Downy on our laundry and it felt great!  Furthermore, he often takes our 4 year old son down to the laundry room with him on Sundays to fold, so Noble is learning young to help out too.

7-Powerful Career Women Do Get Great Husbands Who Find Them Attractive!:
Sandberg is a great example of a powerful career woman who found a romantic mate who found her strengths attractive.  As a psychologist who specializes in dating I’m aware that most popular dating experts advise women to dumb down their accomplishments and not to display leadership qualities while dating.  They actually warn women that if they share accomplishments, give advice or make suggestions about the date, this will be unattractive! I did not want my daughter to follow this advice and I knew a dating book for career women with different advice was badly needed, so I wrote it.  I also detailed examples of other powerful career women who’d attracted romantic mates who were not threatened by who they were or the dreams they had.
I’m happy to read that Sandberg feels that correct choice of a romantic mate is crucial to her success and I support her efforts at raising the general consciousness about creating whole relationships and romantic partnerships.  I hope many women will take to heart this advice.

I’m presently creating a community of Mars Women who are dating and looking to find a mate that will support their dreams, as well as career women who want to make existing relationships more mutually supportive in the areas of work and home.  I also offer individual coaching for career women in dating and relationships and will be offering groups and teleclasses in the near future.  Please sign up for my newsletter to learn about future events and offerings at: http://whenmarswomendate.com/sign-up/newsletter-sign-up/.

You can also get my book, ‘When Mars Women Date‘ to learn more about my dating and relationship philosophy for Mars women at:

I’m happy to say that it just won the Best How-To Book award in the London Book Festival 2012  in January.

My Best in Love, wholeness & true partnership,

Paulette


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* You may use excerpts from this with the bio below.

Author Bio:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a psychologist and author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out’ and ‘When Mars Women Date.’ She’s been an expert on the CBS Early Show, the Curtis Sliwa show, MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman, Elle Canada, the Huffington Post and the NY Times. Learn more at: www.whenmarswomendate.com!

My Dating Books on Amazon:

Dating From the Inside Out

When Mars Women Date:

A Shared Vision:: 100 Exercises for Couples to Co-Create The Lives of Their Dreams

100 Ways to Treat Your Mate Like Royalty: Under $10

Dr. Sherman offers Mars women one-on-one coaching by phone or face to face in her Manhattan office. If you’re interested in coaching with her, please fill out the Private Counseling form here

She will also be facilitating groups and tele-classes for Mars women as well. If you’re interested in participating, please fill out the contact form here

Do Male Spouses & Partners Support a Woman’s Travel for Work?

Believe it or not, if a successful woman travels for work, sometimes this can be a deal breaker in her romantic relationship, especially when she’s married.  I write about this in my new book, ‘When Mars Women Date,’ looking at how many more women still relocate for men’s jobs than the other way around and how most women travel less when they get married, due to childcare and domestic responsibilities.

In a recent It’s Just Lunch Survey (Feb 6, 2013), when singles were asked, “Does the amount that a partner travels for business affect your willingness to pursue a relationship?” both genders selected the same first place answer, “I am busy myself, so if a partner is gone for a week at a time, I am okay with that!”   34% of women chose that answer and 28% of men did. The second place answer, “No, a partner on frequent business related trips does not bother me,” was almost equal for both men (27%) and women (26%).

In contrast, the answer, “Yes, I prefer potential partners to be more accessible,” was the choice of 23% of men but was selected by only 13% of the women.

Still, this reveals great progress.  It points to the fact that gender roles and work/life balance is shifting in our romantic relationships.

But this still is not the advice of most dating authors and experts.  For example, I read Steve Harvey’s dating book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man where he tells single women that if a woman is working overseas and she is letting her man run the house and take care of the kids, plenty of men would cheat and justify it because they’re exhausted and stressed.

So, what does that say to the career women who travels for her work? What would men think if their wives cheated on them every time they were on a work trip? Let’s assume that most men have a stronger sex drive than women for the moment, does that mean that once they have committed to her, they can’t control it? This intimates that a successful career woman should not leave town lest her man misses a few nights of sex and leaves her!

This is why I was happy to read in this survey that men are becoming increasingly okay with women’s travel for work (at least while dating).  This is something that needs to occur for women to succeed with their career goals and for relationships to become mutually supportive and whole.


***************

* You may use excerpts from this with the bio below.

Author Bio:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a psychologist and author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out’ and ‘When Mars Women Date.’ She’s been an expert on the CBS Early Show, the Curtis Sliwa show, MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman, Elle Canada, the Huffington Post and the NY Times. Learn more at: www.whenmarswomendate.com!

My Dating Books on Amazon:

Dating From the Inside Out

When Mars Women Date:

A Shared Vision:: 100 Exercises for Couples to Co-Create The Lives of Their Dreams

100 Ways to Treat Your Mate Like Royalty: Under $10

Dr. Sherman offers Mars women one-on-one coaching by phone or face to face in her Manhattan office. If you’re interested in coaching with her, please fill out the Private Counseling form here

She will also be facilitating groups and tele-classes for Mars women as well. If you’re interested in participating, please fill out the contact form here

10 Things Every Mars Woman Should Know When Dating:

by: Paulette Kouffman Sherman

  1. Be proud of your accomplishments.
  2. The right man will support your dreams too.
  3. You can pay sometimes.
  4. You can suggest date ideas and give your opinion about things.
  5. You can look for a man who’ll do his equal share of chores and housework.
  6. You can look for a man who’ll share the childcare later and who will be a great father.
  7. Sometimes choosing a more feminine energy man can balance you out and provide fun, nurturance and support to your relationship.
  8. Other times a man as ambitious as you can help fuel your mission and understand your goals.
  9. If you make more money than him, you’re still a very attractive mate!
  10. Men and women are from the same planet and if they get to know each other in a real way, they can work together to form balanced, healthy partnerships where each partner meets his or her full potential, at work and at home.

 *Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution

About the Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams can ebook be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: www.whenmarswomendate.com!

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Are Single Career Women More Common Today?

Unlike the past, most women today are raised to get a career and support themselves.  More women than men seek out higher education.  In fact, by 2018, 47% of the labor force in the US  will be women (practically the same number as men).  So, it is no longer assumed that men will be the “providers.”  Women can often provide for themselves now.  This is why there have been books and articles written by successful single women about men being unnecessary.  But just because women don’t need men for their money doesn’t mean there aren’t many other ways they are and can be very valuable partners.

But …back to there being more single career women these days.  Here are some factoids:

  • Women today expect to have BOTH successful careers and marriages: One survey found that 67% of young women expect to hold an executive position at work.  88% expect to earn a high salary.  83% also said that marriage was an important goal.  So women are trying to be successful in 2 spheres.
  • There are Less Women Who Remain Home: Only 17.7% of women remained home with their husbands as the sole provider in 2007.
  • Women are More Educated Than Men Today: Today women earn more bachelor degrees than men.  They earned 59% of all postsecondary degrees in 2008 and 52.7% of all doctoral degrees in 2009.
  • They are Starting to Make More Money Than Men: The median salaries of young women (under 30 and in big cities) is now 8% higher than men in their peer group.

 

For the above reasons, successful career women (that I am calling “Mars women”) are going to become a permanent part of the dating scene.  So, we need to understand them, their roles and their needs in dating and relationships going forward.  Are you a Mars woman or are you dating one?

 

To learn more, order my upcoming book:  When Mars Women Date: How Career Women love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

 *Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution

About this Author:

 

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams can ebook be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: www.whenmarswomendate.com!

Should Couples Share Roles at Home?

Is this Something to Think About While You’re Dating?

In the past men and women were thought to be from different planets.  Women did more domestic and parenting work and men conquered the outside world to bring home the bacon.  Today, most women work and young women are even making more money than their male peers.  So, should responsibility in the domestic realm be more equal?  And, if it does become more equal, will that improve relationships?  Most women would scream a resounding ‘Yes!’ here.

One study found that couples who share responsibility for paid and unpaid work are happier.

Do most dating couples that end up living together equally share domestic tasks?

A woman I interviewed told me that her cousin was dating a man that she really wanted to marry so she cooked, cleaned and tried to please him during their two year courtship.  (This is common).  Finally they got engaged.  Once they were married she realized that he did not even know how to run the dishwasher.  He was stuck in his ways and she couldn’t entreat him to help.  Instead of auditioning for him as a domestic goddess, she wished she’d discussed how they would be partners in the house hold duties and elsewhere.

Does this scenario sound familiar?  Have you seen this happen with yourself or your female friends in romantic relationships?

Whether you are living together or planning to get engaged and married, this would be a good topic to discuss.  How does your prospective mate feel about what’s fair?  How does his family feel?  Are they traditional?  Can he honor your joint agreement around having a peer relationship?  How do you feel about bringing it up?  Are you afraid that he won’t find you as attractive as a woman?  Please share any relevant comments and experiences with how you fall into these gender roles as a woman in order to be attractive.

And to read more about shared domestic tasks and romantic relationships involving career women, order my upcoming book:  When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

*Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution

 

About this Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams can ebook be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: www.whenmarswomendate.com!

 

 

What about Dating a Feminist?

In the past some men might have associated the term ‘Feminist’ with an angry woman who hates men.  Today the term ‘Feminist’ hopefully brings up an image of a person (man or woman) who respects women’s rights and appreciates independent, strong women.  And one study finds dating a feminist improves relationships.

One study showed ‘dating a feminist’ is now a turn on and findings revealed that Feminism improves romance and the quality of relationships.  Men of feminist partners reported more stable relationships and greater sexual satisfaction.

Men are becoming more attracted to successful, high income and multi-talented women and those women are multiplying like wildfire.

Roles are also becoming more diffuse in romantic relationships and in some cases, even reversed.

So I wonder if you have thought about it.  How many single men today would love to date a Feminist?  How many would call themselves a Feminist?

Men, speak out.  This is an informal poll and we’d like to hear from you.

What are the advantages of dating a Feminist?  Does it make you feel emasculated or empowered to be with a strong, successful woman?

To learn more about Feminist Dating and the reported advantages and disadvantages of dating powerful, successful women (from the single male perspective) order my upcoming book:  When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

 *Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution

About this Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams can ebook be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: www.whenmarswomendate.com!

 

 

Have Men Departed from Masculine Stereotypes in Dating?

In my experience as a dating coach, some men and women are still pretty traditional.  Many singles are confused about gender roles when dating and some men and women are consciously departing from traditional gender stereotypes in order to create more equal romantic relationships.

In the past, women were attracted to men who could protect and provide and men were attracted to beautiful fertile, nurturing women.  Men were reportedly more focused on work and women upon relationships.

But here are some factoids that support the idea that these gender roles are changing:

  • 81% of men polled considered personal development and family more important than money
  • Another study showed that men may now be more willing than women to sacrifice achievement goals for a romantic relationship.
  • In one survey 56% of men said that women and men should take turns paying for dates.  Another survey showed that 66% of women believed that men should pay!  So in this area in which men are becoming more modern than women!

Men may be realizing that they are more than a wallet and they can be fulfilled in life and relationships by more than having a paycheck and window office.

By the same token, women may wish to be fulfilled by their passions and gifts in the outer world as well as being a mother and homemaker.

These new realizations can be the impetus for more shared roles at work and at home but this new consciousness and wholeness begins with dating.

Are men comfortable with a woman paying sometimes?  Are they attracted to a woman who makes more or is more successful at their career?  What if she suggests a date idea or offers a differing opinion?  Many dating experts say these things make a woman unattractive to a man.  So men, is that how you feel, or is this changing?  Do you feel manly when a woman is assertive in love?

To consider the issue of changing the gender roles in dating, order my upcoming bookWhen Mars Women Date: How Career Women love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

*Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution 

About this Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams can ebook be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: www.whenmarswomendate.com!

 


In The Battle Of The Single Banker Sexes: What Relationship Advice Can You Take to The Bank?

There’s been a flurry of dating debates about whether bankers should date each other (see links below to Business Oasis, Business Insider,cnbc.com and the like).

Some male bankers are saying they wouldn’t date female bankers because they’re nerds, condescending, materialistic and critical of men.  Many say they’d rather date teachers or some exotic trapeze artist–anything different from what they already do.

Conversely, some women don’t date bankers because they find them self-absorbed, too busy and overly work-focused.  Some single women who love bankers retract their love when ‘status’ falls away.  We recall the DABA girls (Dating a Banker Anonymous) covered in the NY Times who started a group for girlfriends of bankers during the recession.  Their blog  was billed as “free from the scrutiny of feminists,” inviting women to join “if your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life.”  They complained when their lifestyle changed because their boyfriends had lost their jobs.

Perhaps most especially on “Wall Street,” status, perceptions and stereotypes prevail so it’s a good microcosm from which to examine our blocks to love, on either front.   And as Mother Teresa once said, ‘If you judge people, you have no time to love them.’  So let’s start there.

As a psychologist who specializes in dating and just wrote a book about single career women finding love, I wanted to consider what might be beneath this apparent battle of the single successful sexes and what might prove some common emotional ground:

1. FUN & COMFORT:

Many successful hard driving singles (male or female) want fun and comfort at the end of the day, someone to understand and support them.  Traditionally successful men have picked less educated and younger women to take on this role.  Today some successful career women are doing the same.  Sometimes they pick men who are less educated but more nurturing, romantic, supportive and playful.

2.  SOMEONE WITH TIME: 

Many bankers (male or female) are heavily work focused and have little time for domestic pursuits, fun, planning vacations etcetera.  If they have a mate who excels at these things, it can balance them out and it will be less they have to deal with.

3. SOMEONE SIMPLE WHO CAN TAKE THEIR MIND OFF OF WORK:

After a day inundated with industry-related concerns it might be nice to escape shop talk, pressure and join someone in a completely different world to de-stress.  This could apply to male or female bankers, or career singles in general).

ON THE OTHER HAND, Here are some opposing views to consider:

1.  MUTUAL INTERESTS AND INTELLECT IS IMPORTANT:

When looks fade and novelty of another background wears off, what will you talk about?  Would it be good to share a passion for your career?  Would it be helpful to have someone with whom you could share lengthy and inspiring discussions?  Would education, accomplishments and career similarities be more important in the long run?

2. SHARED AMBITIONS AND GOALS CAN CREATE SYNERGY AND UNDERSTANDING: 

Who better to understand your stress, work hours and dreams than a partner who is experiencing the same thing?  How could picking a similarly successful mate fuel your mutual dreams and life plan?  Look at power couples like Hilary and Bill Clinton and Michelle and Barak Obama as examples.

3. BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER:

Instead of thinking about the attraction of an opposite mate, consider finding someone who complements you, knows and respects what you are about because they are made from the same cloth.

So before you decimate your hot opposite sex office mate, remember you are in the same boat, and dating to find love is hard!

My book, ‘When Mars Women Date‘ discusses whether single successful career people do better picking an opposite partner to balance them out or creating a ‘power couple’ to spur one another on.  There are successful examples of each.

Also, here are some “Questions To Ask Yourself as a Single Career Person:”

1.  Do You Want Substance Over Flash?  Are you looking for a trophy wife or someone intelligent, successful and accomplished in her own right?

2.  What Is Real Wholeness in Yourself and a Mate?  Are you still picking a partner to balance you out or can you begin to make those changes within yourself and look for a similarly well-balanced mate?

3.  Do I agree with the gender stereotypes associated with dating?  Sure, your coworkers may all have the schoolteacher wives or ibanker husbands (if you are female), but what type of person would best complement you?  Are you embarrassed or threatened about dating a woman as successful as you?  Are you projecting all kinds of unfavorable stereotypes on successful single women as a result?  And, for women, are you embarrassed about dating a less successful man who could love and support you and encourage you to succeed at your dreams?

There are no cookie-cutter answers here but it’s the perfect opportunity to start asking these questions, because times, they are definitely a-changing!

 

*Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution, including bio below.

 

About this Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams can ebook be ordered on Amazon through October.  It will come out in the print version in December 2012.  Learn more on her website, a community for single career women and the men who date them: www.whenmarswomendate.com!

 

Relevant Banker-Relationship Article Links

http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/blog/what-every-banker-girl-needs?page=2

http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/blog/day-9-why-i-wont-date-bankerella

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/wso

http://www.cnbc.com/id/48554089/

http://www.businessinsider.com/banker-explains-that-wall-street-bankers-dont-date-each-other-2012-8

http://thegrindstone.com/work-life-balance/do-all-women-in-finance-feel-the-need-to-date-men-in-finance-421/

http://thegrindstone.com/work-life-balance/do-all-women-in-finance-feel-the-need-to-date-men-in-finance-421/2/

http://www.businessinsider.com/a-male-banker-on-dating-female-bankers-2012-8

http://www.businessinsider.com/8-hilarious-and-horrifying-tales-from-dating-wall-streeters-2011-12

http://www.articlesbase.com/fiction-articles/ceo039s-reply-to-a-pretty-girl-1891664.html

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/28/nyregion/28daba.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all

http://gawker.com/5141956/dawn-spinner-davis-daba-girl-and-sad-symbol-of-our-times

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/28/wall-street-wives-and-gir_n_161573.html

http://www.ivorytowerz.com/2009/02/no-pity-for-wall-street-leeches.html

http://itp.nyu.edu/~db1060/wordpress/?p=403

http://www.yourtango.com/200913041/sugar-daddies-bemoan-bad-economy

http://www.forbes.com/2009/02/05/recession-mating-money-opinions-columnists_0206_elisabeth_eaves.html

What about Women? Have They Departed from Feminine Dating Stereotypes?

Women have long been told by dating experts to be passive, receptive and quiet on dates.  They were told not to discuss their accomplishments, not to give advice and not to take the lead in suggesting date ideas or asking a man out.  The underlying premise was that opposite energies attract so a woman needs to be ‘Feminine.’

Women traditionally chose men to provide and protect.  They tended the home front while the man brought home the income.  Today most women work and they’re starting to look for other qualities in men, including shared childcare, emotional support and domestic help.

Here are some factoids that support this shift in consciousness:

In one survey, 91% of women said they would marry for love over money.

In 2007, 22% of women made more money than their husbands.

A match.com 2011 study revealed that both sexes highly endorse financial gender equality in relationships but they don’t yet endorse role reversal.

Women are getting more comfortable with the idea that men can make as much as them and can help out at home, but most still aren’t comfortable with the idea that they could be the breadwinners while their man chooses to remain home.

But today one out of five men are stay-at-home dads and I think this will increase as time goes on.  As men and women work towards becoming whole and uniting their Masculine and Feminine sides within, either partner can do either job, depending upon the circumstances and the people involved.

Today women are starting to view men differently but many women still want men to pay on dates and they would still rather care more for their kids.  What roles are women willing to relinquish to men?  What new roles are they willing to embrace?  What do you think about this in your own life?  Women please respond.

To explore changing roles and relationship visions for women in romantic relationships, order my upcoming book:  When Mars Women date: How Career Women Love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

 *Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution

 

About this Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams ebook can be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: www.whenmarswomendate.com!

Should You Look For a Potentially “Involved Father” When You are Dating (with an eye towards marriage)?

When we are in love, we don’t often think about practical things like chores and childcare.  This is important for all couples but perhaps even more so for the career woman who will not do as much childcare or domestic chores as the stay at home mom.  Of course there are other options like nannies and daycare but if you want two parent involvement you must consider this issue before you join your life with someone.

For single women who are dating, imagining having a family with a potential date usually means imagining what your kids will look like or envisioning him teaching your son to ride a bike.  Dating couples rarely discuss who will take off work when a child is sick or whether childcare hours will be equally divided.  If you are a woman who is passionate about your career, you may need a partner who will really pitch in on the home front.

Today many career women consciously pick involved wonderful fathers so their kids get nurturance from both parents.  Here are some factoids about how this is changing and why it’s a really good thing to have equal parenting:

There are 105,000 stay at home dads according to the US census.

Both boys and girls who did chores with dad exhibited more positive behaviors than when they did housework with their mothers.

Fathers who assumed 40% or more of childcare had kids who were more likely to have friends of both sexes and who exhibited fewer gender stereotype expectations of their friends than kids whose dads were less engaged.  When they were adolescents they were more open-minded and had more liberal views about shared parenting and dual earner marriages than peers with absent dads.

When dads of school aged kids did the cleaning, cooking and errands with them these kids were more likely to get along with peers, have more friends, be happier, more outgoing and less likely to disobey teachers.  Both boys and girls that did chores with dads had more positive behaviors than when they did housework with their moms.

Daughters of working moms were more likely to flout traditional gender stereotypes and want careers than daughters of stay at home moms.  They were more assertive in school, participated more, asked questions and held leadership positions.  They were more independent and had higher sense of efficacy than daughters of stay at home moms.

Sons of working moms felt that men could do ‘female activities’ whereas these full time stay at home moms sons did not.

45% of men said that they were ready to become a house husband but only a third of women were ready to accept a man in that role.

I am not saying it’s not great to be a stay at home mom.  If you love that role, I think it’s a wonderful gift to spend that time with your kids.  I am just saying that it’s a gift for dads to spend time with their kids too and that gift has long been devalued.  But, no more!

Women are beginning to think differently, to share this terrain and to ask these questions about shared parenting in their romantic relationships early on.  They’re seeing the value in marrying a great potential dad.  Maybe men are seeing the opportunity to be more present in the daily lives of their kids as well.

Does anyone have a comment on how this shift in roles is affecting dating, romantic relationships and who men and women find attractive?

To explore more about shared parenting and how to assess it when dating, order my upcoming book:  When Mars Women date: How Career Women Love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

*Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution

About this Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (http://www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams ebook can be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: http://www.whenmarswomendate.com!