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Can Men & Women Both Be Very Successful at Work and Have Marriage and Children?

You would think that today the answer to this question would be an unequivocal yes but there still seems to be a discrepancy between men and women who are successful and passionate about their careers and whether they can manage a family.

Research shows that most successful women still do most of the domestic and childcare and they feel torn between work and home.  In the past men would work and choose wives who would manage the home front.  Today sometimes nannies and housekeepers fill in when both people work.

But even so, it seems that single successful career women have a harder time marrying and having a family while succeeding at their career.  Here are some factoids:

Research shows that only 16% of high achieving women think they can have it all but 39% of women believe men can!

A 1995 study showed that only 13-17% of women managed to have both a career and kids by 40 years old and 55% remained childless.  75% of men the same age with the same career success who wanted kids and a career had both.

Only 8% of highly successful women marry for the first time after 30.  3% marry after 35 years old.  In contrast, 76% of high achieving men of the same age marry.

49% of female executives who earn more than $100,000 a year are childless whereas only 19% of 40 year old male executives don’t have kids.

In a TANGO survey 55% of women would give up their career to take care of their kids if their spouse asked them to but only 28% of these women would ask the same of their husband.

99% of men said that their managers expectations of them stayed the same or increased after the arrival of their first child.

26% of moms in a study of new parents worked part-time but only .2 percent of dads did.

So, even though gender roles in romantic relationships are changing, career women have had to make hard choices between having a career and kids but men have not.  Are we getting uncomfortable with this double standard? Do you notice it changing?  What do you want for yourself?  Would you discuss this with your mate while dating?  What experiences have you had in doing this?  Please share…

To explore the challenges that single career women face in balancing work, dating, marriage and family, order my upcoming book:  When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

*Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution

 

About this Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (http://www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams ebook can be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: http://www.whenmarswomendate.com!

Are Chores More Equally Divided with Couples? What About When They Both Work?

Men used to mow the lawn, take out the garbage and fix things.  They did the “manly chores” while the women did everything else.  Even now that both sexes work, there are still vestiges of these gender preferences in tasks.

Single career women complain to me that they don’t want to get married if they have to take care of a man like he was also a child.  They want an equal partner.

Here are some factoids:

40% of high achieving wives say that their husbands create more work for them!  Only 5% of husbands take primary responsibility for taking care of the house, 9% for meals and 10% for laundry.

45% of men said they’d have no problem taking care of the house if their wife was the breadwinner.  But when that was the case, 30% did the primary housekeeping and 18% shared it!

This is something that can be discussed early on in dating or when living together.  Notice whether your mate does his own laundry, likes to cook, cleans or at least is willing to hire a maid.  Discuss your ideas on how to make this work in a way that respects you both, so all areas of your lives can be balanced.

To explore how single career women can pick men who’ll help out on the home front, order my upcoming book:  When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

*Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution

About this Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (http://www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams ebook can be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: http://www.whenmarswomendate.com!

What About the Bedroom–Is it Sexy to be Equal Sexually in Dating and Long-term Relationships?

It has long been thought that a man should be the initiator in the bedroom.  It was the Masculine role to be assertive there.  Today women are more sexually assertive, more aware of their needs and desires and more vocal about sexuality in their relationships.

Yet many books advise women to let men take the lead lest they won’t be seen as Feminine or attractive.  In fact, in The Rules authors suggest letting the man lead in bedroom. They tell women, “In a Rules relationship, don’t initiate sex, even if you want it badly. Let the man be the aggressor in the bedroom.” And, they say this in their section on marriage, so these authors consider this one a long-term “rule.”

Does this mean women are passive vessels who are not just waiting to be approached and propositioned while dating, but for the rest of their lives? Is it never okay for them to want or initiate love-making with their mate?

Here are some factoids:

Peer marriages have better sexual relationships because women initiate sex and identify their sexual needs more, but peer partners have less passion, according to research done by Dr. Pepper Schwartz.

In 2011, 35% of singles had one night stands that turned into a long-term relationship (from a match.com survey) so the idea that men only value women who withhold sex may be changing.

when you really think about it, are some of your ideas about sexuality still traditional in dating and romantic relationships?  Are you afraid to rock the boat and discuss it?

To explore sexual equality in romantic relationships and in dating, order my upcoming book:  When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

*Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution

 

About this Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (http://www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams ebook can be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: http://www.whenmarswomendate.com!

For What Reasons Are People Committing Today?

Many single women say that men don’t want to marry anymore.  They feel men prefer to date around and remain bachelors because they don’t have a biological clock.  Many single women still want marriage but they focus first on their careers, knowing that technology can extend their biological clocks, at least for awhile.  Some single men complain to me that women don’t seem to need them in the same way anymore.  Women now make their own money and are even having kids on their own.

But despite the confusion and possible disappointment involved in changing gender roles, people are still committing.  And perhaps the reasons to marry are changing and gender stereotypes don;t come into play as much.

Let’s look at some factoids:

93% of adults said love was a very important reason to marry.  87% said companionship, 59% said children and 31% said it was financial stability.

When asked to evaluate traits in a good partner, the most important traits were:  being a good parent, being caring and compassionate and putting family first.  Only 32% of men thought that being good at household chores was important in a partner.

67% thought that it was very important for a man to support his family in order to be ready for marriage but only 33% said the same thing about a woman.  I find this item interesting because one would assume it was important for any adult to support themselves to be ready for marriage.  Why is it still more important for men?

Take a moment to ask yourself what would make you commit to a partner and what you think the opposite sex would need to commit?  Is it based on love and full acceptance or gender stereotypic roles?  Does a certain vision come with marriage or can you co-create your own?  Please share any related comments.

To explore what qualities you need to commit in romantic relationships and in dating, order my upcoming book:  When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

*Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution

 

About this Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (http://www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams ebook can be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: http://www.whenmarswomendate.com!

Is Marriage Becoming Obsolete or Are Relationships Just Changing?

In a Pew Research Center survey in 2011, 39% of respondents said that marriage was becoming obsolete.  I’m not sure if this is due to the high divorce rate or the fact that women don’t need men to financially provide in the same way.  Many people have children without wedlock or some single parents have them alone.  Many couples have spiritual partnerships without a legal agreement.  I am in no way passing judgment on this (pro or con), I’m just describing what is so.

And whether marriages continue or not, the roles of partners in marriages are changing.  In a survey 62% of respondents endorsed marriages where both parents worked and took care of the household and children.  72% of young adults below 30 said that this was a more satisfying way of life.

So, the type of relationships that our parents or grandparents had may not be what our children create.

How do you feel about that?  Do you miss the simple days when roles were clear and people remained together whether they were happy or not?  How was this beneficial to kids and how is it not?  Do you consider alternative forms of relationships for yourself and are you stopped by possible judgment?  Has your faith in marriage increased or decreased in the new millennium?  What kind of marriage might you fully stand behind?  Can you create it?  Please share your thoughts…

To explore alternative relationships and what works in committed relationships, order my upcoming book:  When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

*Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution

 

About this Author:

 

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (http://www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams ebook can be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: http://www.whenmarswomendate.com!

Messages from Dating Experts About Gender Stereotypes:

Why do some of the most popular, best-selling authors and  dating experts (like John Gray, the Millionaire Matchmaker, Steve Harvey, Dr. Pat Allen, The Rules authors and many others) advise women (to differing degrees) to be passive on dates, not to share their accomplishments, not to pay or ask men out and, they warn women that men won’t be attracted to them if they do these things?  Is this the message we want to give this generation of working women?

I remember when I was single much of this dating advice did not work for me.  And now as a psychologist and dating coach I witness wonderfully talented women hiding the fact that they are lawyers and doctors for fear that single men won’t like their success.  These messages are everywhere.  Please imagine if this is how you want your daughter to think and feel in her romantic relationships?

There are few dating books (if any) that expose these gender stereotypes and games as unhealthy ways to attract love and build a successful lifetime relationship.

To explore what dating advice doesn’t fit the Mars Woman in romantic relationships and what does and why, order my upcoming book:  When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

*Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution

 

About this Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (http://www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams ebook can be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: http://www.whenmarswomendate.com!

Do Opposites Attract More than Birds of a Feather?

Experts say that opposites attract and that there can’t be two egos in a romantic relationship.   This is one reason they cite for saying that men should have more Masculine energy and women should have more Feminine energy.  In this paradigm the man is the decision-maker, the breadwinner, the protector and the more ego driven partner.  The women is more traditionally the nurturer, the more receptive party, the emotional source and the master of relationships and the home.  In this model there is no competition because each partner has a separate role.

Experts who advocate this model of romantic relationships (and my book covers many) say that if both men and women are very successful at work that their relationship won’t work due to competition.

So what about the many power couples we see today?  Haven’t many of them supported one another in their careers and shared a joint mission?  Isn’t it possible to imagine that two talented whole people could come together in love and foster each other’s full potential both at home and in the outer world?  Don’t these couples find ways to compromise and encourage each other’s dreams?

Dr. Sherman will give examples of how power couples can work together to fulfill their highest potential in a relationship.  To explore your vision of finding a mate who considers your goals as important as theirs, order my upcoming book:  When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

*Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution

 

About this Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (http://www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams ebook can be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: http://www.whenmarswomendate.com!

Do Career Women Sometimes Pick Opposite Energy Men?

In the past powerful career men often picked younger less educated women who would remain home and emotionally support them and their children while tending to their home.  This allowed them to succeed at work and have a successful home life that was maintained by their mate.

Today some career women are beginning to do the same thing.  We have heard about the term ‘cougar’ which connotes an older woman dating a younger (and sometimes less educated or wealthy) man.  It is interesting that there is no derogatory term for the common phenomenon of older men picking younger women though.

Irrespective of age, sometimes career women pick men who have more Feminine energy to balance them out.  These men are particularly adept at relationships.  They are sensitive, romantic, supportive, funny and playful.  They are often domestic and wonderful parents.  This works well for the Mars woman who loves her career and prefers to excel in the outer world.  She gains support for the things she is not as good at and they balance each other out.

One out of five men today are stay-at-home dads and many women in romantic relationships are now the breadwinners.

What do you think of Mars women who have more Masculine energy partnering with men who have more Feminine energy?  Do you know any couples like this?  Does it appeal to you?

Dr. Sherman will give examples of how career women choose men with more Feminine energy in a romantic relationship and how this works in some couples.  To explore this new dynamic, order my upcoming book:  When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

*Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution

 

About this Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (http://www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams ebook can be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: http://www.whenmarswomendate.com!

Are Men and Women from Different Planets…I Say No:

Experts say that men and women are from different planets.  Men and women may have overdeveloped respective competencies and roles, but is this really a model that will promote our wholeness and potential as individuals and as a society?  And, what is the struggle between Masculine and Feminine energy currently doing to our planet Earth?

If we don’t start to ponder this question, we may not remain on Earth (whether we are men or women).  We are all in the same boat.

We are being called to wholeness.  As Freud once said, “Two hallmarks of a healthy life are the abilities to love and to work. Each requires imagination.”  And each task requires the balancing of Feminine and Masculine energy within ourselves and in our romantic relationships.  can you imagine a world where men and women work together in all areas and their children were whole ?

Dr. Sherman will explain how both sexes are global citizens of this planet and how we can create true partnership for ourselves and our children, beginning with how we date.

To explore this new love consciousness, order my upcoming book:  When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

*Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution

 

About this Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (http://www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams ebook can be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: http://www.whenmarswomendate.com!

The Dating Rules, They Are A-Changin’:

Experts say it’s unattractive or desperate for a woman to ask out a man but studies show that 51% of female initiated dates led to a relationship that lasted more than 6 months!

Do we follow old rules so as not to rock the boat or are they really true?

As a woman, have you ever asked out a guy?  What happened?

As a man, have you ever been asked out by a woman?  Did it work out?

Women, would you be willing to accept this challenge and do a field study by breaking ‘The Rules?’

If any of you take me up on this, please report the results and let us know what happened!

To explore new dating etiquette and to challenge uniformed gender stereotypes in love, order my upcoming book:  When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

*Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution

 

About this Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (http://www.mydatingschool.com), author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams ebook can be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website: http://www.whenmarswomendate.com!