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5 Reasons to Lean In to Your Romantic Relationships:

Yesterday I watched Sheryl Sandberg being interviewed on Oprah’s OWN.  I was excited to see that she is leading career women to follow their dreams and she’s causing quite a stir in the Feminist movement, and hopefully in industry as well.

I read her book ‘Lean In‘ while I was on vacation and found that her chapter, ‘Make Your Partner a Relationship Partner’ was very aligned with what I have long been telling my single career clients as a psychologist who specializes in dating.  She hit upon many of the key points that I made in my new book, ‘When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves Into the Relationship of their Dreams.’  So below I will review five ways that Sheryl and my relationship philosophies and dating advice jive:

1- The Most Important Decision a Career Woman Can Make is Who Her Partner Is:
The decision of a life mate affects your lifestyle, choices, career, children, schedule, household duties, resources, emotional support and so much more.  Women need to use their hearts and their heads when choosing a lifetime mate.

2- A Lack of Spousal Support Can Have An Opposite Affect Upon a Woman’s Career:
A lack of spousal support can adversely affect a woman’s career and research shows that many women have left their careers because their husbands wanted them to do more on the home front.  I do not think women should have to choose between career and a family and my book explores why.

3- Both Partners Careers Are Equally Important:
Sandberg describes how when she and her husband dated and married they lived apart for their respective jobs.  She did not follow him (as was often the ‘woman’s expected role) and in the end it was he who got a new job and moved to be with her.  This is a good example of the new dating and relationship expectations.  (Also see the article I wrote on men accepting women’s travel for work more too at: ).

4- Establish a Fair Division of Labor in the Beginning of Your Relationship:
Sandberg suggests starting out on the right foot while dating and I couldn’t agree more.  I explore this in depth in my book, including conversations that women can have with the men that they date so that they are on the same page about creating an equal partnership.

5-True Partnership is a Good Model for Future Generations:
In my book I explore research that shows how having a working mom and a very involved father benefits children and their future relationship behavior.  So, the choices we make for ourselves as future moms have a huge impact on future generations and our societal evolution.

6- The Best Thing a Man Can Do For a Woman’s Career is the Laundry:
Sandberg quotes a professor in her book who said that the best thing a man can do for a woman’s career is the laundry.  I laughed because just before I read that section, my husband sat down on the couch in his undershirt and asked me to feel his shirt.  He said that he tried the new Tide with Downy on our laundry and it felt great!  Furthermore, he often takes our 4 year old son down to the laundry room with him on Sundays to fold, so Noble is learning young to help out too.

7-Powerful Career Women Do Get Great Husbands Who Find Them Attractive!:
Sandberg is a great example of a powerful career woman who found a romantic mate who found her strengths attractive.  As a psychologist who specializes in dating I’m aware that most popular dating experts advise women to dumb down their accomplishments and not to display leadership qualities while dating.  They actually warn women that if they share accomplishments, give advice or make suggestions about the date, this will be unattractive! I did not want my daughter to follow this advice and I knew a dating book for career women with different advice was badly needed, so I wrote it.  I also detailed examples of other powerful career women who’d attracted romantic mates who were not threatened by who they were or the dreams they had.
I’m happy to read that Sandberg feels that correct choice of a romantic mate is crucial to her success and I support her efforts at raising the general consciousness about creating whole relationships and romantic partnerships.  I hope many women will take to heart this advice.

I’m presently creating a community of Mars Women who are dating and looking to find a mate that will support their dreams, as well as career women who want to make existing relationships more mutually supportive in the areas of work and home.  I also offer individual coaching for career women in dating and relationships and will be offering groups and teleclasses in the near future.  Please sign up for my newsletter to learn about future events and offerings at:

You can also get my book, ‘When Mars Women Date‘ to learn more about my dating and relationship philosophy for Mars women at:

I’m happy to say that it just won the Best How-To Book award in the London Book Festival 2012  in January.

My Best in Love, wholeness & true partnership,



* You may use excerpts from this with the bio below.

Author Bio:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a psychologist and author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out’ and ‘When Mars Women Date.’ She’s been an expert on the CBS Early Show, the Curtis Sliwa show,, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek,, More,,, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman, Elle Canada, the Huffington Post and the NY Times. Learn more at:!

My Dating Books on Amazon:

Dating From the Inside Out

When Mars Women Date:

A Shared Vision:: 100 Exercises for Couples to Co-Create The Lives of Their Dreams

100 Ways to Treat Your Mate Like Royalty: Under $10

Dr. Sherman offers Mars women one-on-one coaching by phone or face to face in her Manhattan office. If you’re interested in coaching with her, please fill out the Private Counseling form here

She will also be facilitating groups and tele-classes for Mars women as well. If you’re interested in participating, please fill out the contact form here