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Should Couples Share Roles at Home?

Is this Something to Think About While You’re Dating?

In the past men and women were thought to be from different planets.  Women did more domestic and parenting work and men conquered the outside world to bring home the bacon.  Today, most women work and young women are even making more money than their male peers.  So, should responsibility in the domestic realm be more equal?  And, if it does become more equal, will that improve relationships?  Most women would scream a resounding ‘Yes!’ here.

One study found that couples who share responsibility for paid and unpaid work are happier.

Do most dating couples that end up living together equally share domestic tasks?

A woman I interviewed told me that her cousin was dating a man that she really wanted to marry so she cooked, cleaned and tried to please him during their two year courtship.  (This is common).  Finally they got engaged.  Once they were married she realized that he did not even know how to run the dishwasher.  He was stuck in his ways and she couldn’t entreat him to help.  Instead of auditioning for him as a domestic goddess, she wished she’d discussed how they would be partners in the house hold duties and elsewhere.

Does this scenario sound familiar?  Have you seen this happen with yourself or your female friends in romantic relationships?

Whether you are living together or planning to get engaged and married, this would be a good topic to discuss.  How does your prospective mate feel about what’s fair?  How does his family feel?  Are they traditional?  Can he honor your joint agreement around having a peer relationship?  How do you feel about bringing it up?  Are you afraid that he won’t find you as attractive as a woman?  Please share any relevant comments and experiences with how you fall into these gender roles as a woman in order to be attractive.

And to read more about shared domestic tasks and romantic relationships involving career women, order my upcoming book:  When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Love Themselves into the Relationship of Their Dreams by Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman.

*Permission to use excerpt with proper attribution


About this Author:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, owner of My Dating School (, author of Dating from the Inside Out, published by Atria Books, a regular speaker at The Learning Annex and is the NY Love Examiner. She’s been an expert on television like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show. She’s been quoted on, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek,, More,,, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro news­papers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman magazines, and the NY Times.  Her new book, When Mars Women Date: How Career Women Can Love Themselves into the Relationship of their Dreams can ebook be ordered on Amazon through October. It will come out in the print version in December.  Learn more about it on her website:!