Forgiveness in Our Romantic Relationships:
With Rosh Hashanah fast approaching I thought it would be good to look at the value of forgiveness in our romantic relationships. Forgiveness is key on this high holiday because we want to purify and start the year with a clean slate. To achieve this effect some Jews do a mikveh or a ritual called tashlich, where they throw their sins in the water.
Are there ways that we can clean our hearts of relationship baggage to free ourselves and past loves to move on?
I often see clients who have trouble trusting and fully opening their hearts to someone in the present because of old heartbreak. Sometimes there are important lessons to be learned and remembered regarding their choice of mate going forward and this can be helpful in breaking destructive patterns. But oftentimes just holding onto pain out of fear and defense can be a huge roadblock to loving that next person.
Buddhists have a meditation called Tonglen, which I am not that familiar with, but it’s a method for overcoming fear of suffering and for dissolving the tightness of our heart and awakening compassion. It can help you practice breathing in the wish to take away the old pain. Then, as you breathe out, you can imagine sending happiness or love or whatever would relieve that pain for yourself and that other person. You can spend some time imagining you both happy, loved and free.
Another helpful idea is to try the Sedona Method, which is about letting go. They have a release process about past relationships that you can purchase on their website and listen to at: http://www.sedona.com/programs/past-relationship.asp
You can also just write a letter forgiving that person for hurting you and tell them that you’re moving on now and you wish them happiness. Then you can burn your letter with a candle and release that person. Or, you can pray to ask forgiveness in synagogue with everyone else this year!
Starting the year by cleansing your heart is a wonderful practice because it opens you to love and to the innocence in others again. We all know that dating can be a disillusioning process at times but we can do an internal feng shui by constantly emptying out old fear and baggage and making room for more love and peace in our own hearts so that we attract and welcome new great people in.
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