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Forgiveness in Our Romantic Relationships:

With Rosh Hashanah fast approaching I thought it would be good to look at the value of forgiveness in our romantic relationships.  Forgiveness is key on this high holiday because we want to purify and start the year with a clean slate.  To achieve this effect some Jews do a mikveh or a ritual called tashlich, where they throw their sins in the water.

Are there ways that we can clean our hearts of relationship baggage to free ourselves and past loves to move on?

I often see clients who have trouble trusting and fully opening their hearts to someone in the present because of old heartbreak.  Sometimes there are important lessons to be learned and remembered regarding their choice of mate going forward and this can be helpful in breaking destructive patterns.  But oftentimes just holding onto pain out of fear and defense can be a huge roadblock to loving that next person.

Buddhists have a meditation called Tonglen, which I am not that familiar with, but it’s a method for overcoming fear of suffering and for dissolving the tightness of our heart and awakening compassion.  It can help you practice breathing in the wish to take away the old pain. Then, as you breathe out, you can imagine sending happiness or love or whatever would relieve that pain for yourself and that other person.  You can spend some time imagining you both happy, loved and free.

Another helpful idea is to try the Sedona Method, which is about letting go.  They have a release process about past relationships that you can purchase on their website and listen to at:

You can also just write a letter forgiving that person for hurting you and tell them that you’re moving on now and you wish them happiness.  Then you can burn your letter with a candle and release that person.  Or, you can pray to ask forgiveness in synagogue with everyone else this year!

Starting the year by cleansing your heart is a wonderful practice because it opens you to love and to the innocence in others again.  We all know that dating can be a disillusioning process at times but we can  do an internal feng shui by constantly emptying out old fear and baggage and making room for more love and peace in our own hearts so that we attract and welcome new great people in.

Happy dating!



* You may use excerpts from this with the bio below.

Author Bio:

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a psychologist and author of ‘Dating from the Inside Out’ and ‘When Mars Women Date.’ She coaches career women to attract mates who support their dreams too. She’s been an expert on the CBS Early Show, the Curtis Sliwa show,, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek,, More,,, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Complete Woman, Elle Canada, the Huffington Post and the NY Times. Learn more at:!

My Dating Books on Amazon:

Dating From the Inside Out

When Mars Women Date:

A Shared Vision:: 100 Exercises for Couples to Co-Create The Lives of Their Dreams

100 Ways to Treat Your Mate Like Royalty: Under $10

Dr. Sherman offers Mars women one-on-one coaching by phone or face to face in her Manhattan office. If you’re interested in coaching with her, please fill out the Private Counseling form here

She will also be facilitating groups and tele-classes for Mars women as well. If you’re interested in participating, please fill out the contact form here